Wednesday, August 16, 2006


Is love ever deserved? Is it mandated? If love were such a thing would any of us want it? Would we want to "give it" to others?

Love to me seems to be sweetest when it is undeserved. The last few days have been a huge struggle and wrestling time with God over the idea of love and grace. I think these two are inseparable. Grace seems to me to be the idea that even though there is no way I should be loved - I AM! Though there is no worth in me or merits that I can do - I am still loved by God.

Talk about blowing the mind! I wish I could say that it is easy as just saying okay. But it seems that I have never really grasped this concept growing up. I always thought that I had to be a certain way, think a certain way, and act a certain way in order to get God to hear me. I must say that this is why I have lived the past 10 or so years in constant defeat and in shame and guilt. I have never been able to really grasp what the joy of being a christian was. Why would I want to be a Christian if I always have to do these things or if I always feel guilty and shame over who I am.(this will be covered in a whole other topic). But then - God started showing me through various means and ways this radical new idea of love undeserved.

I know that it is not a new idea or even news to some people but this will forever change me. I know that it will take time and there will be many hard days ahead BUT I have my God and His love will never fail. The fact that He knew where I was when He decided to love me. The fact that He still claims me when I fall. The fact that He sent the Holy Spirit into my life to help me out. This is the idea of grace. It is hard to describe or define grace because there is no one on earth that can exemplify what grace truly is. We have seen some examples and have experienced it from people but we all have a warped sense of grace. We always try to justify why we did something - usually if not for their sake we say we did it for ours (under the auspices of "we were doing it for the right reasons").

But there was an example - His name is Jesus. A name so sweet and far above any other name. The grace that flowed from him is the undeserved love that has burst forth in my heart anew yesterday. It didn't come from a huge epiphany that burst into me. As I have said, this is something I was struggling with for quite a while. Only in the last few weeks and days have I become desperate in my prayers for God to show me Himself. I have cried out numerous times to Him and have left many times crying. At first the tears were because I was hurting so much. It seemed as if my body was in pain because I couldn't get ahold of what God wanted to show me. But in His perfect timing, as usual, He flooded over me. It happened when I least expected it.

Last night I was reading "In the grips of Grace." A book I have been working at since January. God knew though that I would not be ready until last night to see with His eyes what He wanted me to see. The chapter was on the War within the soul. It discussed what I had been thinking of and what I had been begging God for. And it came. It finally came. That voice of the Holy Spirit that comforted me. The tears came. But now they were tears of overwhelming joy at the fact that I am who I am and that God still loved me enough to send His Son. He still loves me when I mess up and scrape my knee in the spiritual sense. But like a loving Father He picks me up on His knee and comforts me and tells me that it doesn't seem like it but it will be all right. Because I am going to be home with him soon.

As I was writing this I was listening to Shawn McDonald's song "Have you Ever." What a blessing. Every time I listen to it it brings tears to my eyes and longing in my soul. It talks about wanting to be someone else. Wanting to reach your dreams. Wanting to life to be more than it seems. - this was what I wanted. I wanted it to be more than what I had built up around me. - The answer is tasting the love so deep. So deep that it blows my mind. The sweet love of Jesus.

This is love my friends. To love, not when it is deserved, but to love because it is right.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Divisionary Love...

So I've been writing a lot of songs lately and been praying about the whole idea of me and worship leading. The Lord's been really gracious as I pursue Him in my personal times of worship when it's just me, the Bible and My God. Soon I will be part of helping out lead worship for 4th and 5th grade kids. What a great age to learn how important it is to worship our Creator!

But back to the actual topic: Divisionary Love. This may take up a few days of pondering and working through the idea that is in my head, so bear with me as I allow you to come on the mental journey through this topic.

I was writing a song about love and the idea that it takes you higher and to a more intimate place than pretty much anything else in the world. This got me thinking about what types of things love takes you through. Which are more important than the others. Are the easy times? Are the hard times? Does it really matter? The more I think about it and read through scripture and listen to what the Lord is showing me in my own life, it is the hard times in love that bring you to a higher and more intimate part of the relationship. I termed this divisionary love.

The whole idea circles around the fact that when you work through something that could possibly be divisive to the relationship with someone you love it creates a whole new level in the relationship. This applies to anything. Your relationship with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, etc. The whole premise is that through the hard times in a relationship and through the times where you can't seem to get out and break through, it happens.

You don't really know when it will happen or how it will happen but it does. And those times are the sweetest and most dear. When you break through divisionary love makes you feel like you are soaring above the trees, the clouds and anything else below. It takes you to a place you've never seen before and makes you feel what you never thought possible...

Thursday, July 13, 2006

It's a girl...and she's ALL MINE.

That's right folks. Nathan has finally strapped himself into a long-term relationship with lots and lots of committment(sp? -it's really late). She's reliable, won't ever leave me hanging and won't stand me up ever. She's pretty much perfect.

She is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. My family loves her and thinks that I've made the right decision.

A lot of planning and careful thought went into this relationship. I hope that you all will embrace her with the same sincerity and devotion that I can only hope to give her.

She's pretty high-maintenance - that's about the only thing I can't stand.

So here she is folks. My new girl.

1. The New Girl

2. The Back-side.

3. Me and my girl.

4. Dramatic Pose
(My girls got style and she knows how to pose for the camera.)

My only problem right now is that I don't have a name for her. She's nameless...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

So soon!!!!

Well today I officially started classes again.

It was pretty eventful. They gave me the wrong teacher and tried to switch me into his class and then -- huh! -- they realized that the teacher wasn't teaching it this quarter.

So I'm stuck with a new teacher. It should be good. Because I'm a transfer student they are making me take the fundamentals of visual communications course again. phooeee!

Other than that it's been crazy busy in my life as usual.

(I have not forgotten my promise to put up more of my artwork. It is coming soon....)

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Festivities of the 4th Variety

My brother and I had a blast hanging out on the 4th of July.

We actually just hung out with some of my friends from church at the lake front in Chicago. Everyone was waiting for the fireworks but we had to leave early because of my puppies.(will put pictures up at another time.)

The night before Shane and I went to see the Superman in the IMAX downtown. We got to see the end of the fireworks too.

Here are some pix from that:

1. Fireworks =-) ooh ahhhhh

2. The Bro and I.

It was a pretty fun and uneventful day.


So my mom and I decided to get a charicature done while we were in Atlanta a couple years ago.

I decided to play with it and put color into it.

It was a lot of fun. I've always wanted one, but my mom wasn't too stoked about it.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Where does the music come from

Seriously!! How many of you have ever found yourself watching an old movie and the lead actor(actress) began singing and then wait, an orchestra joined them.

I have always found this odd. I ask myself where is the orchestra and how did they know when to come in. Was it fate? Was it luck? I'll never know.

Also, I love in old movies when they act like they just happened to decide to dance or sing and then everyone else in the nearby vicinity knows the whole song or dance too.

These are the many quandries that haunt me when I watch old movies and musicals.

One day soon I will be able to understand it all.

Until then. Quandries Away!

Sweet Movie Intro

WOW!!!! Have to say that this has one of the most fabulous movie intros. I love the typographic play.

To all those who don't understand what I'm saying...I only watch movies for the introductions. i thought that's what everybody did.

Well, this one is fabulous. It is fairly simple, but again, for back when it was made it had amazing transitions.

The Singing Nun

Wonderful without Words

I had the wonderful, and new, experience of watching a silent film in its entirety. I can't say that I have ever done that.

It was quite enjoyable. After a long and hard day I sat down to watch some movies I had recorded from the TCM channel. And Sparrows, with Mary Pickford, came on.

I wasn't really interested right off the bat, but the movie with its wonderful screenplay and its incredible musical score drew me in. They also had exceptional typography throughout.

It really floored me how great this movie was, especially after I thought about how they had no special affects or anything to help them. It had to be exactly as they taped it.

The plot was pretty good. And then, I got the biggest shock of all.

Throughout the entire movie they used scripture and applied to their lives. This has to be one of my favorite points about this movie. As all good movies of old, this one had a great end. The good overcame the bad.

Check it out. I definitely will be adding this to my movie library.

Inspiration can come from the most seemingly mundane things. This movie has inspired me to explore how to communicate effectively in visual communication without the use of speech. And with minimal type.

Off to work.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

bombarded with eye-candy

I think I will be making up for lost time in the next few weeks - mainly because I can upload things while I wait for my mini-mac to keep up with my high file size loads.


I will start by putting up one of my most recent photographs. I took this picture at one of the weddings I attended as an apprentice.

This couple was great and the day yielded inordinate amounts of very very good things(pictures)

take a looksee.

Canada Dry Redesign

So here it is. The infamous wall hanger.

which reminds me of cliffhanger - the movie - don't ask me why.

I redesigned the Canada Dry soft drink and water line.

Feast your eyes on the bottles!!!